Fuck that shit.
I only learned this though Facebook because she posted a picture of herself in a club bathroom with her midriff showing. Mind you, we’ve both been back in the same house for a couple weeks now.
I think that’s kind of an indication of how close our relationship is.
(Meaning barely existent, which is for the better)
She has far, far more of a college social life than I ever had and ever will have. My father and had a conversation a few days ago about how straight-laced and boring we were/are in our teens and 20’s compared to our peers and my sister.
Then again, my father still had plenty of girlfriends before he got married. He’s not a social butterfly by any means, but he’s not socially inept (like I am). He’s smart and charming. I’m…Smart, but charming only in intellectual capacities.
This is probably going to be the worst Christmas since that one in 2nd grade where we had to move cross-country on Christmas (because my Dad got laid off and we had to go live with Grandma).
Apparently my mother hasn’t been taking her medication for WEEKS…And doesn’t know if she’s going to start taking them again.
Uuugh, it would be so much easier if she would just consent to going to the goddamn hospital.
So…The rest of my family has various out-of-state things that they need to do (father and brother going to check out a college, sister going to set things up in the off-campus apartment she got), which means that it is just going to me and my mother until Saturday night/Sunday morning.
Normally, I would just go with my father or stay with friends in DC…But that’s not possible this time.
a.) I can’t take Ezra with me on the metro, and I don’t trust my mother to remember to feed or interact with him.
b.) I really don’t think that I can leave my mother alone. I mean, considering it is an ordeal just trying to get her to do basic things, I might be the one who has to remind her to eat and not to lay in bed all day.
Ergo, I’m stuck in this very uncomfortable and potentially hostile situation, because there’s really no telling what she’s going to say or do…She might do absolutely nothing, she might actually make food or drive me to get food, she might scream and berate me the whole time. No idea.
I’m starting to really wonder if my parents’ marriage isn’t some sort of variation on a John Cassavetes film…Or possibly a combination of a few Cassavetes films (at least one of them being A Woman Under the Influence).
My uncle says that his idol is Bethenny Frankel.
Yes…THAT Bethenny Frankel…The one from one of those Real Housewives shows and various other Bravo nonsense and that has her own product line and whatnot.
I don’t pretend to understand the people that I’m related by blood to.
A few drinks, actually.
It is possible to have a three martini TV-dinner? Because that’s what I want right now.
I was kind of pressured/forced out of the closet by my mother…Because she never lets anything drop even when I say that I’m uncomfortable and don’t want to talk about something. She also accusing me of “not letting her in” or saying “this is the reason why our relationship is so terrible” when I don’t want to answer her questions or talk about certain subjects.
And all that was right after a fucking HUGE fight with my sister.
John Vanderslice- They Won’t Let Me RunI was born A couple miles from here My family rented me this house So my family keeps me near from 1909 My family's run the town You step out of line, poor sap Family council will sit you down one day I fell in love And of course we fucked around The morning she threw up My options were all laid out I followed through And now I got two sons No peace even when you come ‘cause they won't let you run I got dead drunk And packed up the pickup truck Got way out of town, I thought But sheriff tracked me down they dragged me home And the family sat me down They kept me cuffed up and they roughed me up and said: “we'll never let you run.”
So…My friend Sarah and I are trying to figure out ways that I could be able to move away from home permanently after I graduate from college, so that I don’t have to move back into the toxic living situation that is my home.
Husker Du “Never Talking To You Again”
This was the first Husker Du song that I ever fell in love with, back in my early teens.
Basically, the song always hits home for me because it basically describes what I would say to my mother if I could. If I had the ability, then I would cease communication with my mother.
Right before I left for Goucher to start my first semester there, my mother and I basically made an arrangement that it would be best if we didn’t talk to each other unless we had to while I was living at school. This came after an entire winter break of horrible, horrible fights. We pretty much keep up this arrangement whenever I go back to school and it works well. Whenever I go home I always remember why I don’t want to talk to her at all…What it always leads to.
Forced confrontation with my mother, because she demanded that it happen.